Random Thoughts of an Aspiring Expat

Berlin ist ein Gedicht (Berlin is a Poem)

2010-04-30T22:10:00.000-07:00

I bought this book in 2002 when I was living in Berlin and never really took much time to read it. Berlin ist ein Gedicht means "Berlin is a poem." I saw it in a bookstore in Prenzlauer Berg near Kollwitzplatz and loved the cover.

In case you're not familiar with Berlin, the city's coat of arms is on the right.

Note: The "Ber" part of Berlin is pronounced in German very much like the German word for bear (baer - similar to the English). It is not pronounced "burr," as English speakers often say it.

Anyway, Berlin is probably my favorite city in the world (that I've been to, at least). I had bought this book for the girl I was dating at the time but loved the idea of Berlin as a poem so much (and the cover!), that I went back to the bookstore and picked up a copy for myself.

Below is a poem I thought was pretty good.

Berlin in Zahlen
by Erich Kaestner

Lasst uns Berlin statistisch erfassen!
Berlin ist eine ausfuehrliche Stadt,
die 190 Krankenkassen
und 916 ha Friedhoefe hat.

53 000 Berliner sterben im Jahr,
und nur 43 000 kommen zur Welt.
Die Differenz bringt der Stadt aber keine Gefahr,
weil sie 60 000 Berliner durch Zuzug erhaelt.
Hurra!

Berlin besitzt ziemlich 900 Bruecken
und verbraucht an Fleisch 303 000 000 Kilogramm.
Berlin hat pro Jahr rund 40 Morde, die gluecken.
Und seine breiteste Strasse heisst Kurfuerstendamm.

Berlin had jaehrlich 27 600 Unfaelle.
Und 57 600 Bewohner verlassen Kirche und Glauben.
Berlin hat 600 Konkurse, reelle und unreelle,
und 700 000 Huehner, Gaense und Tauben.
Halleluja!

Berlin hat 20 100 Schank- und Gaststaetten,
6300 Aerzte und 8400 Damenschneider
und 117 000 Familien, die gern eine Wohnung haetten.
Aber sie haben keine. Leider.

Ob sich das Lesen solcher Zahlen auch lohnt?
Oder ob sie nicht aufschlussreich sind und nur scheinen?
Berlin wird von 4 1/2 000 000 Menschen bewohnt
und nur, laut Statistik, von 32 600 Schweinen.
Wie meinen?

Coffee

2010-04-04T22:14:00.001-07:00

I spilled coffee all over my desk at work last Monday. It didn't get on the computer, or the phone, just all over the desk and my keys.

My two flash drives were attached to my key chain... containing almost all of my design files and work-related materials, including grant files.

The computer specialist for our department told me to rinse the drives off well, and put them in a safe place to dry for a week.

I just tested them. All of the files are still there. I'm currently copying them onto my hard drive at home just in case.

Some Ridiculous Things, Part II

2010-02-20T19:29:00.001-08:00

Bureaucracy
My place of employment has incredible bureaucracy. Paperwork galore, fine print like nobody's business. It's taken months and months to get paychecks. One of my grad students had to wait 105 days for a $200 reimbursement check, which probably ended up costing the university so much more than that with all of the staff time that was wasted on it.

Friday was the cut-off day for submitting payroll for the Feb. 1-15 time period. I have a weird job and am 0.9 FTE - i.e. 90% of full-time. I use the remaining 10% to do freelance graphic design (and sometimes web) for my department on random projects.

This means that I have my salaried time sheet, which is submitted monthly, and an "auxiliary" hourly time sheet, which is submitted twice monthly. The auxiliary time sheet is signed by the person for whom I have been working on a project that pay period.

10% means 4 hours a week, so if a pay period ends in the middle of a week, that is pro-rated. This last pay period ended on a Monday, which meant that 0.8 of the 4 hours fell in the Feb. 1-15 pay period, and 3.2 in the Feb. 16-28 pay period.

Because of my job classification, I am not allowed to work more than 40 hours per week. Period. The state legislature passed a law against "excess compensation" for state employees, including university employees, during the worst of the recession last year. This law does not apply to classified staff, who are unionized. It also doesn't apply to faculty, who are not unionized but who kicked up such a fuss that an exception is made for them. (Case in point - I presented at a K-12 workshop in January, alongside a faculty member. Said faculty received a $300 honorarium; I got to work late that night.)

However, professional staff are neither unionized nor special, so we are the single remaining group of employees on the UW campus for whom this law can apply.

Long story short, that means I'm not allowed to work more than 40 hours per week, without exception.

Anyway, my last auxiliary time sheet said that I worked 0.5 hours on February 15, which was President's Day.

Friday morning, during my "real job" hours, I got a call from our financial administrator, who was sitting with the payroll coordinator, to ask about the time. She said it looked weird that I was working on a paid holiday. I responded that I do most of my auxiliary work remotely on the computer, so did it really make a difference? However, if she needed me to, I'd "move" that 0.5 hour to Sunday, the 14th.

She said she'd call HR to check on it and get back to me. About 15 minutes later, she called me back and asked me to re-do the time sheet, with that 0.5 hours on the 14th.

So I re-did the time sheet and took it up to the person I had worked for to have her re-sign the paperwork authorizing the payment. I then took it to the Payroll Coordinator. And that was that.

My auxiliary work has nothing to do with my salaried work, and I've done auxiliary work on holidays before without issue. It's not against the rules - at all.

The thing is, I don't get paid very much, in general. I make a nonprofit salary, so after taxes, 1/2 hour of work amounts to about $10, if that.

So this whole process took me about 30 minutes on Friday - away from my salaried position - plus probably 10 minutes of the HR person's time, 20 minutes of both the financial administrator's and payroll coordinator's time, and 10 minutes of the work supervisor's time, which means that we spent a lot more, collectively, to move 0.5 hours of time from one day to another because of a technicality, than I was getting paid in the first place for those 0.5 hours of time.

And the state of Washington wonders why it's broke.

Some Ridiculous Things, Part I

2010-02-20T19:12:00.000-08:00

1-800-Flowers.com
I ordered flowers for my parents for their wedding anniversary back in December. The flowers did not arrive on the day they were supposed to, so when I wrote to 1-800-Flowers, the customer service rep said, "Oh, they'll be arriving the next day instead because of a problem at UPS. We'll send you a $20 gift certificate to put towards a future purchase because of the inconvenience." Or something like that.

I thought that was pretty cool, so I ordered flowers for Salt for Valentine's Day (using the certificate) to be delivered at her office on the 12th. Gerbera Daisies to be exact. They arrived dead.

I wrote to 1-800-Flowers, and they said that they were very sorry and would ship out a new order as soon as I told them when a good date would be and also would send me a $20 gift certificate.

After I wrote back, a different Customer Service rep responded again and apologized, saying that the item I had originally ordered was no longer available, but that I could choose a replacement in the same price range. So I picked out roses and lilies, which Salt also likes, and was informed by yet another Customer Service rep that they would arrive on the 24th.

Within hours after ordering the replacement flowers, I received a new email from a new Customer Service rep indicating that Salt would receive a totally random bouquet that customer service picked out.

Yellow roses - definitely not what I chose, and definitely not a good replacement for what was supposed to be a Valentine's Day present. This earned 1-800-Flowers another angry email from me, along with a promise that I would not be using their service ever again. Again, a new customer service rep responded, saying that she hoped I would give 1-800-Flowers a chance to show that they were the best flower service out there.

I responded a final time, saying that their record of 1) a late arrival, 2) dead flowers, and 3) completely disregarding my request for a replacement did not bode well for their claim of being the best service out there.

I received a last email today from an entirely different customer service rep with another apology, notifying me that I would be credited for the amount of the original order, and that a $20 gift certificate would also be mailed to me. No idea whether the unwanted replacement order is still be shipped.

Needless to say, we're using a different company to send Salt's parents flowers for their 30th anniversary next week.

The Inability to Say No

2010-01-04T10:41:00.000-08:00

One of the cultural take-aways I learned in Korea is the inability to say 'no.' You can say that something would be "difficult" (or some equally appeasing adjective), but you can't actually say no.

Which, of course, means that you often end up doing things you don't actually want to do because you don't want to / can't say no.

So when a Korean acquaintance from my grad school cohort called me AT WORK to ask if I would edit his statement of purpose for the PhD program he's applying to, I said....

yes.

So he sent me his sample paper, instead, as his statement of purpose was "done."

Considering that we went to grad school together and took multiple courses together, I remember the paper he's using as a writing sample. I also remember how our professor ripped the research he had done apart.

I don't think he's made any changes to it since that time.

So that's what I'm doing on my day off.

Oh the Joys of Being (In)voluntarily in the Closet

2009-12-14T17:43:00.000-08:00

A box arrived today for Salt from her maternal grandparents. It was soaking wet because our porch roof leaks, so I opened it when I got home to make sure nothing was ruined.

Carefully packaged in it were Christmas gifts for Salt and Morgan.

The majority of Salt's extended family doesn't know about us out of courtesy for Salt's parents.

So, we're roommates.

Which means that Morgan, the dog, warrants a Christmas present, but I, the roommate, do not.

I don't really give a shit about the presents.

It's the whole non-existent factor that gets to me.

I am not in college anymore for a reason...

2009-12-13T03:22:00.000-08:00

... well, several, including the fact that I've graduated.

I was officially a "transfer" my first year of college, due to the fact that I started mid-way through my freshman year after spending a semester living in Germany. Thus, my choice for roommate was non-existent, and I ended up with one of two girls whose original roommates had left for one reason or another.

My roommate was very sweet and nice, but we also had nothing in common. She was very social and had a boyfriend in a fraternity.

They weren't exactly tactful about their habits, and they used to have sex while I was (pretending to be) asleep in the same room.

Fortunately, that was just a semester and I got to pick my roommate from there on out.

The house we live in now has horrible sound insulation, and our downstairs neighbor just got a new girlfriend. For some reason, when she stays over, they sleep in the bedroom directly below ours...

which is why I am posting this at 3:30 am.

(They're asleep now, but I'm not anymore.)

Dan Savage on Gay Adoption

2009-11-19T15:54:00.001-08:00

November in Ballard

2009-11-01T12:46:00.000-08:00

The first day of November has been a beautiful day in Ballard - sunny and in the low 50s.

We used our "extra" hour to take Morgan to the Locks this morning.

New Pumpkins

2009-10-31T21:04:00.000-07:00

Our initial pumpkins rotted really quickly, so we carved new pumpkins yesterday:

Just went to the dentist for the first time in 2-3 years...

2009-10-28T17:11:00.000-07:00

... and I need two fillings.

On the other hand, the coffee stains between my bottom two front teeth, which I thought would be there for the rest of my life, are now gone.

Morgan is a Bad Puppy

2009-10-27T20:58:00.000-07:00

Salt took Morgan to day care today because she was barking so much.

When we picked her up, the person at the front desk said that Morgan, who, at a little over 20 pounds, plays in the "Small Dog" area, had snuck into the "Big Dog" play pen. She spent the next 10 minutes playing with all of the "big dogs" until they caught her and took her back to her own pen.

In other awesome news of the day, the front page of UW's dubiously qualified student newspaper, The Daily, one of the student writers every so smoothly referred to the current Secretary-General of the United Nations as "Ki-moon." No joke.

Stephen Colbert and R-71

2009-10-27T17:36:00.000-07:00

The Word - Don't Ask Don't Tell

www.colbertnation.com

Work Inbox Count

2009-10-27T11:32:00.000-07:00

880

of that, 194 still unarchived from October

What a crappy week

2009-10-23T17:58:00.001-07:00

This week has been the worst I've had in a long time.

Pumpkins

2009-10-17T23:12:00.001-07:00

We carved pumpkins today.

Korean Ad

2009-10-16T14:04:00.000-07:00

I was doing research for work today and came across this article on text messaging.

Included in that article was this picture:The picture was snapped to show the Korean text messaging in a subway station, but the ad behind it is what I want to talk about.

This ad came out while I was living in Korea, and I remember seeing it for the first time as I walked down the stairs into the Gyeongbok-gung subway station. I nearly tripped.

I remember this because I was so infuriated I wanted to come back and take a picture, but by the time I made it back to that station again, the ad was gone - whether for the same reasons that had made me so upset, I'm not sure.

You see, the advertisement was for a skin whitening creme.

Yes, We are Getting Ripped Off

2009-10-04T20:31:00.000-07:00

This is something I think all gay people have known for a long time - even if they don't recognize it with the same clarity that this article presents, but yes, we are getting ripped off by the government and many other entities around us by not being able to get married.

Salt receives health insurance through her work, but not dental, so she's on my dental plan. Every year, we get a letter from the university stating that, because we are not in a federally recognized union, they are adding the dollar value of that dental coverage to my total income and reporting it to the IRS.

Discounting that, we paid $12 more in taxes for 2008 because we are not in a federally recognized union.

If we actually made more than pennies in our respective positions, we would have lost much more.

So I guess in this case it's good that we're poor.

How I Feel About Meetings

2009-10-03T17:38:00.001-07:00

From Graphjam.com

Wow, It's Been A While

2009-10-03T16:52:00.001-07:00

Both windows in the office are now broken, through no fault of our own.

We went to a corn maze in Snohomish today. It was muddy.

I love Fall, even when it rains.

Work is really busy, and everyone is freaking out about the upcoming grants they have to write. It's tense and annoying.

Starting this month through November 3, residents in the state of Washington will get to decide whether or not I'm allowed to have Salt covered equally on my car insurance. Among other things.

That's about all that's been happening.

Irish Commercial

2009-09-05T16:58:00.000-07:00

I Hate Mary Cheney

2009-08-31T11:41:00.000-07:00

I have always thought Mary Cheney was a disgusting human being and an embarrassment to the gay community.

Now it seems to be clear to everyone else, as well. Via The Stranger:

Mary Cheney, the daughter of former Vice President Dick Cheney and onetime gay outreach director for Coors Brewing Company, gave $1,000 to a Republican Senate hopeful who voted against same-sex marriage and allowing gay couples to adopt children in the District of Columbia.
Cheney, 40, has a two-year old son with her partner of 17 years, Heather Poe.

David Sedaris Quote

2009-08-08T20:14:00.000-07:00

I'm currently reading When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris.

It's astonishing the amount of time that certain straight people devote to gay sex - trying to determine what goes where and how often. They can't imagine any system outside their own, and seem obsessed with the idea of roles, both in bed and out of it. Who calls whom a bitch? Who cries harder when the cat dies? Which one spends the most time in the bathroom? I guess they think that it's that cut-and-dried, though of course it's not. Hugh might do the cooking, and actually wear an apron while he's at it, but he also chops the firewood, repairs the hot-water heater, and could tear off my arm with no more effort than it takes to uproot a dandelion.

Cleaning Out My Inbox

2009-08-08T17:03:00.001-07:00

Yesterday's Inbox Count: 1673
Today's Inbox Count: 0

A link to Palin's Resignation Speech was saved in my Drafts folder, sent to me by my good friend, Heidi.

And This is Why I am Not a Lawyer

2009-07-30T19:10:00.001-07:00

I have been against the death penalty my entire life. I have always thought it should be abolished.

I didn't know the victims; I've never even been to the neighborhood.

But if I could, I would rip out his intestines with my bare hands and strangle him with them.

The Landlord Drama Continues...

2009-07-17T15:37:00.000-07:00

We got the keys to our new place nearly a month ago, and we moved out completely from our old place three weeks ago. We did a walk-through with our beloved landlord three days after our lease ended because he was too busy to meet with me at a time I could actually make it the day our lease ended.

When I initially talked to him about this, he asked if he could bring potential buyers through our unit on the DAY WE WERE MOVING, and I said no, that would be a bad idea. I also told him I could not make it to a walk through until 2 pm or later on Tuesday, the day our lease ended.

He said, "Okay, I'll check my calendar and confirm a time and call you tomorrow."

He didn't call the next day, but he did call the day after that, and he said, "Oh, how would 11 am on Tuesday work?"

And I smiled and said, "Oh, but I cannot meet until 2 pm or later on Tuesday." Then, I continued, "If it would be more convenient for you to meet later in the week, I do not work on Fridays, so that day would work perfectly for me."

And he said, rather rudely, "You know you have to be moved out by the end of the month, right?"

And I smiled and said, "Of course I know that. In fact, we're moved out now, and I would be happy to leave the keys in the apartment if that would make you more comfortable. I thought it might be more convenient for you."

And he said, "Yes, why don't you do that."

When he arrived on the day of the walk through, he was fumbling with the lock box, and I mentioned in passing that I assumed the correct keys were in the lock box as the locks had been changed half-way through our lease when the front doorknob broke. He looked up in surprise and said, "The locks were changed!? Did you give me the new keys?"

And I said, "No, I assume the man who changed the locks - the one who works for you - gave you the keys."

Crisis was averted when the lock box did, in fact contain the new keys.

We walked in, and the landlord spent twice as long looking at everything as he had when we first moved in, in spite of the fact that the unit was about 10 times cleaner than it had been when we moved in.

As we were leaving, I asked, "Can you confirm that we will receive our entire deposit back?"

And the landlord said, "It looks that way right now." He then continued to say that we were excellent tenants fairly convincingly with only a trace of disgust, and we thanked him and said we had loved the unit with a convincing amount of sincerity, and we shook hands and departed, thinking that we would never, ever have to see this landlord again.

Foolish, foolish people.

The management company guarantees that they will send your deposit back within two weeks of vacating the property.

I received a voicemail from our landlord on the 13th of the month asking for our address. He had lost the form that we had turned in that indicated our forwarding address. Salt called and gave it to him, and two days later, we received a check in the mail.

The check was for $1200, which was our entire deposit and $200 of the $300 pet deposit.

At first, I thought this was correct because I had somehow (erroneously) thought that part of our pet deposit was non-refundable.

However, on the accompanying paper, it indicated that $100 had been deducted for "pet fumigation for fleas."

Now, we are anal pet owners. We are uptight Seattle-ites to the core. We have spent more money on Morgan over the past 11 months than most people spend on their own health care in five years. Morgan is a healthy, spoiled dog who does not have fleas. We know this for a fact.

We also spoke with our landlord about this back when we first got Morgan. He had sent over the pet agreement, which included some ridiculous language about pet fumigation for bug infestation being mandatory.

I had written back to him via email and said:

I just received the pet agreement, and my only concern is regarding the agreement for "Professional Fumigation." Considering that the apartment was not fumigated before we moved in (the carpets were professionally cleaned and that was it) when the previous tenants had more pets than we do, I do not find it reasonable to require that we have the apartment fumigated before we leave. As I recall, our lease already requires that we have the carpets professionally cleaned before we move out, and I believe that this should be sufficient. Our dog is already on flea medication and bug infestation of any sort should not be an issue.

Our ever-cheerful landlord wrote back and said:

[Infinity Squared], realistically we rarely require fumigation unless fleas are detected. Thus we put it in our agreement as it’s the tenant’s responsibility and cost. Therefore this is the standard agreement that needs to be agreed upon and signed, otherwise you can’t have pets! And as you’ve written, Morgan has already been taken of so it won’t be an issue.

We responded:

We're happy to sign a pet agreement that reflects the clarification you've just provided. In the event of bug infestation due to the presence of a pet, we will accept full responsibility and cost for fumigation. However, as it stands now, the pet agreement is unclear as to whether fumigation is required only if there is a flea infestation, or if fumigation is required upon vacating as a matter of course.

Our incredibly cheerful and always helpful landlord responded:

[Infinity Squared], I spoke with our broker and we don’t customize or alter our documents. What you can do is retain a copy of my previous email for future reference, but if you want a pet you need to sign our form - like all our tenants with pets have done.

So we signed the form and sent it in with the check. We took a copy of the email communication to our walk through, but the topic never came up so we didn't really think to pull it out.

Forward to the day we received this check.

I called the landlord and thanked him for processing our deposit check so quickly. I then asked why we had been charged for the pet fumigation and went over the entire email communication we had last November.

He said, "Well, when we did the walk through, you said something like, 'So $150 of the pet deposit is refundable?' So you're actually getting more than that back."

And I said, "Yes, I misspoke, but I thought part of the pet deposit was non-refundable, which is not the case."

And he said, "Look, you're getting quite a bit of your deposit back."

And I said, "Yes, but we would like the entire amount back."

And he said, "Well, do you have a copy of this email communication?"

And I said, "Yes, I do."

And he said, "Well send it to me."

And he hung up.

I forwarded the entire email conversation to him on Wednesday afternoon, and we heard nothing on Thursday. This morning, Salt called his office line and left a voicemail. She hasn't heard back from him.

We will be calling him on Monday, as well.

We're pretty sure that our landlord hates us - me, in particular - because we actually cared about where we lived. We cared that the unit hadn't been cleaned AT ALL before we moved in (with the exception of the carpet). We cared that the back door didn't lock for the first month that we lived there and we had to use an aluminum security bar to block it closed. We cared when our trash cans were stolen. We cared that our bedroom ceiling leaked. We cared that none of our phone jacks worked on the second floor. We also cared when we weren't notified that our stairs were going to disappear for not just an afternoon - but for a week.

So rather than suck it up like some people might and leave the place in the same condition we received it in, we did things like scrub the walls of the kitchen for 3 hours so we could paint it, and spackle holes in wall that we didn't make so it wouldn't look so bad. I didn't think it was too much to unscrew the dishwasher from the wall and pull it out to wipe off 10 years' worth of food grime. I also didn't think it was inappropriate to call the emergency maintenance line on the weekend when we woke up one morning with our ceiling covered in water and dripping.

Evidently, we were just too high maintenance for our landlord because of that.

And now, it's just another uptight thing to do - expect our entire deposit back! What bitches! It's just $100.

Come on! That's only 10 weeks of my bus pass, or two months worth of gas... it's only two months of internet and phone. Pocket change! How selfish are we to not want that management company to keep that piddly little $100 so that they can pretend to do a fumigation? (They won't actually do one because THEY DON'T NEED TO.)

Well, our unlucky landlord just happened to get two people who give a shit, and he's about to find out just how much of my father's stubborn streak and temper I really have.

Irony

2009-07-13T19:05:00.000-07:00

Kim Jong Il has pancreatic cancer.

And Now For Something Completely Different...

2009-06-17T20:21:00.000-07:00

(...although the DPRK claims to have no problem with homosexuality.)

North Korea qualified for the World Cup!!!

This is the first time since 1966. Since that time, a great documentary has been made about the 1966 Games, The Game of Their Lives (천리마 축구단), which is definitely worth watching.

More on Obama Being a Pansy-Assed Liar

2009-06-17T14:50:00.000-07:00

For all two of you who read my blog and saw my long, rant-errific comment in response to S's query, here's some more info on Obama's eight campaign promises. The campaign promises were posted on the White House website on inauguration day, and are available in their original form here.

Those promises were:

Expand Hate Crimes Statutes to include LGBT
Fight Workplace Discrimination with support for the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA)
Support Full Civil Unions and Federal Rights for LGBT Couples
Oppose a Constitutional Ban on Same-Sex Marriage (DOMA)
Repeal Don't Ask-Don't Tell
Expand Adoption Rights regardless of sexual orientation
Promote AIDS Prevention
Empower Women to Prevent HIV/AIDS

On May 1, as Obama's backbone began melting faster than his lies could make up for it, and the Don't Ask, Don't Tell issue starting getting more press coverage, the language on the White House website was changed.

As AmericaBlog describes in the link above, those eight promises were folded into the following:

Passing ENDA.
Support of Civil Unions, but no longer a mention of repealing DOMA.
Opposing the constitutional amendment.

You can read the rest at the link above.

Now, it turns out that these awesome new benefits that federal employees will get (if you ignore that teeny-tiny unimportant thing about HEALTH INSURANCE) aren't actually new at all - they're rights that federal employees have had SINCE THE CLINTON ADMINISTRATION.

A good article by John Aravosis here.

Now, Dan Savage put out a protest idea that is pretty cool, so if anyone is thinking about hanging out in DC anytime soon, this might be a good way to spend the day.

Obama's on My Shit List

2009-06-17T09:40:00.000-07:00

If you don't know why, you're not paying attention.

Movers, Inc.

2009-06-07T22:44:00.000-07:00

I just realized that I have not lived in the same place for more than a year since 1998, so I'm trying to remember all of the places I've lived since then:

1996-1999: TX (high school)
1999: Germany (1 mo. lang. training)
1999: Germany (5 mo. w/ host fam)
2000: TX(5 mo., freshman dorm)
2000: TX (2 mo., summer dorm)
2000: TX (5 mo., sophomore dorm)
2001: TX (5 mo., transferred rooms)
2001: TX (2 mo., summer dorm)
2001: TX (5 mo., junior dorm)
2002: TX (2 mo., break before going abroad)
2002: Germany (5 mo., study abroad)
2002: Switzerland (1 mo., internship)
2002-2003: TX (12 mo., senior year)
2003: TX (1 mo., summer)
2003: Korea (2 mo., orientation)
2003-2004: Korea (9 mo., host family)
2004-2005: Korea (12 mo., apt.)
2005-2006: Korea (10 mo., apt.)
2006-2007: Seattle, WA (12 mo., apt. w/ roommates for 1st year of grad school)
2007-2008: Seattle, WA (12 mo., apt. in U District w/ Salt, 2nd year of grad school)
2008-2009: Seattle, WA (12 mo., apt. in Ballard)
2009-?: Seattle, WA (12 mo.+, duplex in Ballard)

That's a lot of moving. Of course, in college, all of my crap fit in my car, and when I went to Asia, it had to fit into two suitcases. Now? We've got way too much stuff.

We're Moving!

2009-06-07T22:13:00.000-07:00

All two of you who read my blog might recall our vacillating between whether or not we should move. Well, we are moving. And really soon. In about two weeks.

Aaaaah!

Morgan is a Bad Monster

2009-06-07T09:27:00.000-07:00

We went out to dinner last night in Ballard. It was nice to be able to walk somewhere without Morgan. Afterwards, we went to Cupcake Royale and picked up some cupcakes.

We were too full to eat them, so we put them on the dining room table and went upstairs.

About 30 minutes later, Salt had gone to fold clothes and I was getting up when I noticed the bottom half of a cupcake on the floor. I yelled for Salt to check the box of cupcakes, and sure enough, the cupcakes were gone.

Morgan, who ~~weighs~~ weighed 18 pounds, had eaten two entire cupcakes, frosting, paper, and all.

One of the cupcakes was chocolate, so we called the emergency vet, just in case. They told us that the amount of chocolate in the cupcake wasn't toxic because the frosting wasn't chocolate, but that we were going to have lots of fun taking care of a diarrhetic puppy over the next couple of days and that Morgan might also throw up.

Morgan has not thrown up yet, which is good I suppose, but last night her belly was so comically full that we definitely thought she was going to.

Rewriting History is Easy

2009-06-05T17:45:00.000-07:00

Via The Stranger.

The Cheneys can all go f-k themselves.

To Move or Not to Move...

2009-06-03T18:13:00.000-07:00

We found out a month or two ago that our building owner is selling the building. He's a cheapskate and hired a real estate agency to manage the property that is probably in the running for worst management company in the world.

When we moved here a year ago, they hadn't had the place professionally cleaned before we came. There was years' worth of dust and grime all over the place and I spent about three hours scrubbing the kitchen walls before they were even clean enough to paint over.

They've consistently treated us with little respect and taken months, literally, to fix problems, including a leaky roof -- a problem that has yet to be fixed.

We've been looking for a new place and vacillating pretty consistently between wanting to "wait it out" and see if we'll even have to move or if the place will see, and between wanting to get it over with and get out of here.

We found a really cute place, still in Ballard, that's a duplex, and it was just offered to us. It's well maintained, the owners manage the property and care a lot about it, and they would be very willing to let us live there for a significant period of time.

But we can't decide. So here's my list of pros and cons of moving:

Pros

Stop paying rent to people who definitely don't deserve it.
We can stop worrying about when we have to move. (Me, in particular.)
It's still in Ballard, in a great neighborhood.
It's a beautiful and well-maintained place that has enough space.
We would get rid of a stingy owner and bad manager in exchange for owners/managers with a vested interest in the place.
There's a yard (not fenced-in) with a lawn.
There's compost.
There will be a vegetable garden in the back eventually.
We get to maintain the yard, but the owners provide the equipment.
We will not have to have an eyesore front yard that we can't maintain because the owner is too stingy to pay for yard waste any longer.
We'll have phone jacks that work in more than one location.
Lots of storage space.
Off-street parking spot.
Three bedrooms.
Huge windows.
Across the street from a small park.
Away from the drug deals that happen at the park across from where we currently live.
Very nice kitchen. As opposed to our ridiculous kitchen where the cupboards don't close correctly.
This is one of the first places that Salt has actually liked that we looked at.

Cons:

We're used to where we live now and "just" got here.
The place we live in now is huge.
We get a really nice cross-breeze in the summer that keeps everything cool.
We live across the street from the community center, where a big band practices on Thursday nights.
We are currently 5 blocks away from Puget Sound. If we move we will be about 15 blocks away.
We have really nice neighbors that we're just now getting to know.
We invested a lot of time, effort, and money into this place after arriving to a dump.
The place we live in now covers water, sewer, garbage (surprise!), but we'll have to pay it in the new place.
The new place shares the W/D with the downstairs tenants, and we have to go outside and down the stairs to get to the laundry room.
We'll be a *little* bit further from downtown Ballard, but still walkable.
We'll have to move.
We sleep on the 2nd floor where we are now and thus have no issues leaving the windows open at night; that wouldn't be the case at the new place.
The new place shares the thermostat with the downstairs tenants.
The new place shares the mailbox with the downstairs tenants.
The new place does not have a garage.
The downstairs tenant evidently plays electric guitar sometimes.
Underneath the carpet are hardwood floors (covered to absorb sound from below better), and if Morgan were to do anything amazing that ruined the wood floors, we would be responsible for the charges.
Can we really afford to move when we're about to get Morgan braces?

9.8 m/s/s OR Morgan Learns Gravity (or not)

2009-05-31T23:03:00.000-07:00

I took Morgan to the dog park at Golden Gardens the other day (because the outside of our building was being painted and Morgan was going crazy), and she was rather anti-social the whole time.

She played with some dogs for a little bit, and then she found an abandoned tennis ball and trotted up the hill to lie down and chew it.

As soon as she got to the top of the hill, lay down, and put the ball between her front paws in preparation for this serious task, the ball rolled down the hill.

She seemed to think this was exciting, so she scampered after the ball, got it again, and trotted back up the hill to lie down and chew it.

As soon as she lay down and put the ball between her front paws to chew it, the ball rolled down the hill.

She seemed to think this was exciting, so she scampered after the ball, got it again, and trotted back up the hill with it.

And over.

And over.

And over.

This went on for a good 30 minutes, and even as other dogs became interested in her and would go up to Morgan and introduce themselves, Morgan was not to be distracted from her battle against gravity.

State Dept Offers Same-Sex Benefits

2009-05-24T09:26:00.000-07:00

NYTimes Via AmericaBlog.

There was a point when I would have applied to the Foreign Service and did not because they didn't offer same-sex partner benefits.

Now I'm at a point where I wouldn't apply to the Foreign Service even if they did offer same-sex partner benefits, so this won't drastically change my life, but I hope it's able to change the life of someone else.

I'm wondering if the Peace Corps will follow the State Dept in this.

Obama and Gay Rights

2009-05-23T09:07:00.000-07:00

Via The Stranger.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

2009-05-20T06:58:00.000-07:00

Via AmericaBlog.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

If Atheists Ruled the World

2009-05-17T22:55:00.000-07:00

I saw this creepy video at The Stranger.

Jungle Puppy

2009-05-17T06:47:00.001-07:00

We took Morgan to Marymoor yesterday, in part to avoid the ridiculousness of the stairs being replaced (which, by the way, were only partially done by the time we got home and the guy again long gone for the day).

The grass at Marymoor is pretty high, and Morgan loved running through it:
This, of course, was really cute, until we lost herIt turns out that she had left the grass without us seeing her and was running around with another dog the whole time!

Needless to say, she was exhausted.

The Amazing Disappearing Stairs Act

2009-05-17T06:16:00.000-07:00

Our landlord is useless, and our building owner is an asshole. They don't communicate with each other, and nothing ever gets done because the owner is so miserly and the landlord so useless.

For example, our back door didn't have a lock on it for the first two months we lived here, and we had to rely on an aluminum bar to prevent the door from being opened.

When our front door lock broke, it probably took about a month before someone came out to replace it.

Our ceiling in the bedroom leaks and still has not been repaired.

Etc.

Etc.

Etc.

Now, the owner is planning to sell the building, and the real estate agent wants a number of repairs to be done (now that he's selling, of course).

So a guy came and was doing yard work on the far side of the building and told Salt that he'd be back "tomorrow" to do our side of the yard, and asked if she could park on the street for that day.

That was Thursday.

On Thursday, no one showed up.

On Friday, I work from home and take care of Morgan. On this particular day, however, I had a number of work-related errands to run and had no intention of parking on the street, so I decided that the yard guy could just suck it up because he never told us he wasn't going to show the day before.

So, around 11 am, a man drives up in a truck, and I think, "Oh, it's the yard guy," and continue working on whatever I was working on.

Then, I see that he's getting out non-yard-work-like power tools, and he starts drilling through the concrete steps leading up to our building.

Before doing that, however, he makes sure to make our lives that much more miserable and nails a 2x4 across the top railing.

Morgan starts going insane at the sound of the drilling and won't stop barking, so I go out to speak with the man.

I explain that we had zero notification that this was going to happen and that I'll be in or out all day.

He says that I'll be able to come and go and that it shouldn't be a problem.

Morgan won't stop barking, so about ten minutes later, I decide to leave and drop Morgan off at daycare and go work in the office.

As I leave, the guy says he will be done by 4 or 4:30 and that he should be gone by the time I get back.

So, I went to the office and got basically nothing done that I had wanted to, and when I get home at 4:30 with Morgan and a couple of trays of leftover veggies from an event we had, this is what I see:The guy had certainly finished removing the stairs - he just didn't replace them with anything.

I called up my landlord, and he uselessly agreed with me that it must have been "frustrating" for this to happen.

He then uselessly said he would call up the owner and talk to him about it, which I'm sure will be very effective.

Meanwhile, the state of Washington Landlord-Tenant Act includes:

Landlord Obligations

The landlord must provide and maintain the rental property, and must obey the rules of the rental agreement. The landlord (or his/her representative) must be accessible to the tenant and must:

keep the premises up to code;
maintain the roof, walls and structural components;
keep common areas reasonably clean and safe;
provide a reasonable program for control of pests;
provide necessary facilities to supply heat, electricity, and hot and cold water;
provide reasonably adequate locks;
maintain appliances furnished with the rental unit; and
comply with any duties imposed by local laws.

If we were older than we are, and if we were less physically able than we are, or even if we weren't, it would be very easy to get hurt trying to climb to our front door, particularly considering that we have to carry Morgan with us.

Inbox Count

2009-05-05T20:53:00.000-07:00

716!

I just archived everything that I received before January 1, 2009.

Math Tests

2009-05-04T16:36:00.000-07:00

I'm applying for the Graphic Design program at Seattle Central Community College, but before I could apply, I had to take the COMPASS test for math.

Before I took it, I called Seattle Central and said something along the lines of:

Look, I have a degree in chemistry and a graduate degree in International Studies. Can my GRE scores substitute for the COMPASS test?

To which they said:

No.

They did, however, exempt me from the English portion of the test based on the fact that I just received a graduate degree in International Studies. As I had to write all of my papers in English, I was exempt. Yay!

But they don't charge a different fee based on whether you're taking just the math portion or both. So the cost was $15.84.

I didn't work today, so I drove over to the college and found street parking at 14th & Howell.

I walked down the hill to SCCC and went to the testing office to get a pay slip.

Then I walked over to the cashier's office to pay for the test.

Then I walked back over the testing office to take the test.

The test lets you choose the level you want to begin at - 1, 2, or 3, based on what level you think you're at. It's a computer-based adaptive test, so it makes the questions easier or more difficult based on what you answer.

I chose 3. You cannot pass or fail the test - it's purely for placement purposes. There is no time limit.

I read the directions and began the test.

Then I finished the test.

The score print-out they gave me said this, among other things:

Total Time: 0:08:39

Test Time: 0:06:11

Score: 61 out of 99

Recommendation: Your placement is Math 116 or Math 142 (Precalculus II: Trigonometry)

This makes sense, considering I haven't done any trigonometry since 1998. I didn't really remember how to find the corresponding point for the inverse function on a graph that places the point from the actual function at (5,3).

I was given the test scores, which I took up to the fifth floor, where the Graphic Design office was.

The receptionist at the front desk very apologetically directed me back to the first floor to the advising office.

I went to the advising office and a man looked over my COMPASS test results and my UW transcript very carefully before filling out a half-page form in doctor-quality handwriting that stated I was approved to enroll in a "professional-technical program."

He then instructed me to take the form back to the Graphic Design office on the fifth floor.

I went back to the fifth floor to give the form to the Graphic Design office. The same woman at the front desk took the form and asked me to fill out another form.

She then clarified the instructions for submitting my portfolio, and I went back to the first floor and exited the building.

If you exclude the time I took to read the directions, the test cost about 4.3 cents per second, or $2.56 per minute. That's $153.60 per hour.

At least I found free parking and didn't crash my car when I parallel parked.

Inbox Count

2009-05-01T14:51:00.000-07:00

1234.

The first 50 messages in my inbox were received just today and yesterday.

Oh, look, there's another one.

1235.

I hate email.

1236.

Oh, back to 1234.

Yay for archiving and if only my archiving could keep up with the massive amounts of email I receive. I do archive messages on a very regular basis.

Our Lease

2009-04-30T18:05:00.000-07:00

Our apartment lease ended today, and our most-unhelpful landlord took until today to inform us that the owner of the building is not going to renew our lease because he's planning to sell the building, so we're now on a month-to-month lease until they see fit to kick us out.

Salt hates moving, a lot, so we were planning to stay in our apartment even though our landlord and owner both suck. Plus, we live in a great neighborhood.

Now, on top of all of the insanity we are both wading through at work, it's time to start apartment hunting again.

Yay.

My Inbox...

2009-04-30T09:21:00.001-07:00

...currently has 1198 messages in it.

Rachel Maddow on Torture

2009-04-27T15:17:00.000-07:00

Via AmericaBlog. I never watch Rachel Maddow, but maybe I should start.

Texas

2009-04-23T18:15:00.000-07:00

I am not a fan of crappy baristas

2009-04-17T09:22:00.000-07:00

I imagine no one else is, either.

The danger in buying espresso drinks from a campus cafe is that most of the student employees are crappy baristas.

I know what you're thinking. I should go off-campus if I want good coffee, and why am I paying for lattes anyway when I can just make them at home?

1 - It saves time to stay on-campus.

2 - Like I wake up early enough to have time to make coffee? Maybe once a week.

3 - I keep money on my employee ID card and I never actually carry any money, so it's easy to get coffee on campus.

This morning I watched a student-employee-turned-crappy-barista vainly try to fill my espresso cup with foam after not heating up enough soy milk. She was able to fill it about 3/4 of the way, and by the time I got back to my office, the cup was only half-full.

Lame.

Things Morgan Has Destroyed: Not a Comprehensive List

2009-04-11T15:59:00.000-07:00

In no particular order:

our old office chair
the basket we bought to put her toys in
the lid to my face wash
my brand new phone's charger
Salt's brand new phone's charger
Salt's old phone's charger
the heating pad
the wire in our portable heater in the office (we were able to fix this one)
the shoelaces on the shoes I'm wearing
the shoelaces on my old running shoes
the shoelaces on my new running shoes
the shoelaces on my boots
a pair of Salt's high heels (that she hated)
a pair of Salt's high heels (that she didn't hate)
a pair of Salt's Skechers (that she also didn't hate)
the ear piece on my sunglasses (that I really like)
her carrying case that we took her to Texas and Ohio with
being able to put toilet paper on the roll in the bathroom
the carpet in the office
the squeakers in many of her own toys
her puppet toy
her UW husky stuffed animal (two of them)
her small walking harness
numerous catalogs from Crate & Barrel
the power adapter for our MacBook

I'm sure there are other things, as well.

Iowa State Senate Majority Leader Speaks About Gay Marriage

2009-04-07T21:22:00.000-07:00

This is all over the internet, but I first saw it on The Stranger and AmericaBlog.

The Internet Sucks

2009-04-07T21:12:00.000-07:00

I'm online all the time. All day at work, and usually at some point in the evening after I come home. Sometimes I'm even online before work. I always have my email open, and I usually have my calendar and to-do list up, as well.

One of the unfortunate side effects of email is spam. I get a lot of spam, and not just because I've consolidated four email accounts into one on gmail. Well today, I left work around 3:15 (i.e. closed out of my email account), and checked my email at home around 5:30 pm. Then I got offline and came back to the computer about 15 minutes ago.

I had more than 100 spam messages, most of which were "Return to Sender" emails for messages from myself to random fake addresses filled with spam messages.

Chances are, these were just "invented" 'From' fields, but I'm a little bit concerned that my email account has been compromised.

I changed my password and am keeping watch, so we'll see what happens. Lame.

Happy Days

2009-04-02T20:16:00.000-07:00

I found out at a meeting today that the school in which I'm employed will definitely see lay-offs, and soon. Evidently the state budget, which is not yet finalized but will include ridiculously massive cuts, has less of an impact than the school's endowments, some of which have fallen to such levels as to be worth less now than they were when founded. It was commented by a colleague that our school would "look a lot different" by the time the lay-offs were completed, and that things would have to be done a lot differently.

In other news, a colleague's dog was put to sleep today, and another colleague found out that her dog has cancer.

It was a great way to end my week, especially after learning on Monday that one of my most influential mentors from college just lost his wife in a car crash.

I can't even imagine.

Getting Sick, Dog Park, Stupid Kids

2009-03-21T23:28:00.000-07:00

1. I'm getting sick, or rather, I am sick again. I think living in Korea ruined my immune system, because ever since then, I've caught colds more easily, more frequently, and for longer periods of time than anyone else I know. I just got over a horrible cold over the winter holidays, and now I'm sick again. Yay.

2. We took Morgan to Marymoor Off-Leash Dog Park today. It's the first off-leash dog park she's ever been to. She loved it.We're not so sure.
It's a huge park, and very well-maintained, which is great. But about 10 minutes after we got there, we saw one dog attack another for no apparent reason, and the owner of the dog that did the attacking not only left his dog off-leash, he didn't leave the park! Morgan didn't have any mishaps, although she was slobbered on by a huge, drooling bulldog, and she's sleeping well tonight, but not knowing the background of any of the dogs or dog owners was a bit disconcerting.
We let Morgan play at the park across the street, which is not an off-leash park and is actually a playing field, which means no dogs allowed, off-leash or on-leash. So we're bad. But we also know the people in this neighborhood, as well as their dogs. We know their dogs' names and we know what training they have - or don't have. And because it's a smaller group of dogs, everyone is really responsible when it comes to picking up after their dog and making sure their dog is behaving.

And because we know everyone, we aren't worried to let Morgan off-leash there (even though it's not allowed). As gorgeous as Marymoor is, I didn't feel comfortable at all with Morgan being off-leash and not knowing the background of any of the dogs, if they were up-to-date on shots, etc.
3. We live in a really safe neighborhood. And maybe because it's so safe and quiet and residential, stupid kids think hanging out at the Ballard Community Center playground at night is a good idea and they won't get caught doing whatever they're not supposed to be doing.

Tonight, 13 boys who are about college age, drove up in 3 cars and were loud, obnoxious, and drunk at the playground. They were probably smoking pot, and I couldn't tell whether they were just having fun or about to get into a fight.

They've since left (and hopefully won't be back), but they left behind empty beer bottles, strewn around the sidewalk, street, and playground, and at least two of them urinated in the playground. They also left behind graffiti and drove the wrong way down the one-way street that we live on.

Considering the possible alternatives, they didn't really do that much, but seriously, peeing in a playground where 2-year-olds who will put anything in their mouths play in? That's disgusting.

I was about to call the Seattle PD non-emergency line (yes, I'm one of those grumpy old people who do that), but they left before I did.

I Started Another Blog.

2009-03-18T21:29:00.000-07:00

Why did you do that, when you never post on this one? You might ask.

Because I'm a nerd.

Check it out: papyrusattack.blogspot.com

Thursday

2009-03-18T21:27:00.001-07:00

My favorite day of the week is Thursday, for two reasons.

1 - I don't work on Friday.

2 - A band (as in big band) practices at the community center across the street on Thursday nights and we can hear them play. They're really good. Sometimes they play "Hey, Jude." Morgan's not really a fan, but I think it's rather peaceful to read a book and listen to a private concert right outside your home.

DOMA Not a Good Enough Reason to Deny Health Benefits

2009-03-13T16:25:00.000-07:00

Via Americablog.com

Some have invoked the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which says that the federal government can't treat same-sex relationships as marriage, to argue that the feds can't provide these benefits. But that misses the point. The federal government provides lots of benefits to families, even though members of those families aren't "married." Your kids are your family, and receive benefits based on that status, even though you're not married to your kids. DOMA doesn't say that gay couples can't be treated as family, it says they can't be treated as married.

Some Sort of Syndrome

2009-03-10T21:35:00.000-07:00

According to one of my mother's blogging buddies, I look to have some kind of syndrome.

Lovely.

Republicanism

2009-03-04T19:55:00.000-08:00

This is from PunditKitchen

And Since We're on Quotes...

2009-02-19T22:02:00.001-08:00

Below is a poem that was on the bus on the way home from work, written by a 6-year-old:

I dream about trees
Some are little
Some are big
Some are medium
They pull out their roots and walk to my house
Then knock it down
Eat my entire town
And all because
Everything there
Is made of trees

A Good Quote

2009-02-19T21:57:00.001-08:00

My mother is trying to decide what her new email signature will be (the answer to that is - none of the quotes that talk about "God"), which made me start thinking about quotes.

Every day we're told that we live in the greatest country on Earth. And it's always stated as an undeniable fact: Leos were born between July 23 and August 22, fitted queen-size sheets measure sixty by eighty inches, and America is the greatest country on Earth. Having grown up with this in our ears, it's startling to realize that other countries have nationalistic slogans of their own, none of which are, "We're number two." -David Sedaris

Photo Meme (from my mother)

2009-02-17T22:24:00.000-08:00

So, the instructions were:
1. Grab the nearest book - no matter what it is. Textbook, novel, pop-up book, building code study guide, whatever.
2. Turn to page 25.
3. Read the 10th word on that page, or the following if that one is blank.
4. Type that word into Google Image search.
5. Post the third image.
6. Tag 4 people and tell them. [no]
7. Link back to this post - Which I do right here.

The book was Famine in North Korea: Markets, Aid, and Reform by Stephan Haggard and Marcus Noland, so naturally the 10th word on page 25 was "the."

And the picture is:

Just for kicks, the 11th word was "countryside," which yields a much nicer result:

Whidbey Island

2009-02-15T17:02:00.001-08:00

We took a day trip to Whidbey Island today. This was our route:

It was Morgan's first time on a ferry. Here she is staring at the car in front of us:

It was a beautiful day, although it started to get overcast as we headed home. It was an excellent opportunity to use my new camera lens. Some of the shots:

Mt. Baker from Coupeville, WA

At Ft. Ebey State Park, Morgan liked to pick up shells and try to eat them

It was cold and windy at Deception Pass State Park, so we only stayed for a few minutes...

... but Morgan loved the trails at the park, so we'll have to go back when it's warmer.

Mark Emmert's Money Matters

2009-02-10T17:44:00.000-08:00

There was an article in the Seattle Times today called, "UW braces for 600 lay-offs; deeper state cuts could mean 800 lost jobs."

Those of us employed by the University of Washington have been aware of this for awhile, with ominous emails coming from the Provost's and President's offices on a regular basis, much like this one emailed on December 18, 2008 from Mark Emmert:

Dear Members of the University Community:

Earlier today, Governor Gregoire submitted to the Legislature her 2009-2011
biennial budget proposal. As expected, it contains significant reductions for
higher education as well as other state agencies, some of which will also
negatively impact our medical centers. Obviously, the Governor faced an
enormous challenge in putting together a budget during these historically
difficult economic times. It is no easy task, to be sure. And while it is clear
that she attempted to spread the pain, it nevertheless is substantial for the
University.

The Governor has proposed a 13 percent cut in funding to the state's 4-year
colleges and universities for the upcoming biennium. For the UW, this would
mean a reduction of $116 million for the biennium. This comes on top of
the 4.25 percent reduction we have just taken this year. It is important to
note, however, that the Governor's budget proposal is just that--a proposal. We
do not have a final biennial budget yet, nor do we know the amount by which we
must reduce our budget. When we do, some months from now, we hope other sources
of funding--including tuition and fees--will help mitigate the effects of these
reductions on the University's budget.

And so on. Blah-blah-blah.

Now, Mark Emmert is the second-highest paid public university president in the United States (after Ohio State University), and an out-of-date Seattle Times article labels him as the highest paid state employee in Washington. (Shortly after that article was published, Emmert received a 150K pay raise, bringing his total compensation to over $900,000 a year.)

On top of that, if you search for "Mark Emmert" on Google, the third listing is an article about his side jobs, which add an extra $340,000 a year to his salary.

Let's not forget that Mark Emmert lives in the presidential mansion free-of-charge, and has not-so-humbly taken the top floor South-facing corner office of the newly acquired UW Tower (formerly the Safeco Tower).

In November of 2008, Emmert was lauded for turning down a pay raise.

Okay, so despite his lack of a pay raise, and discounting all of his other perks, Emmert takes home a nice 1.2+ million dollars a year.

Looking at Wikipedia (a great source, I know), Barack Obama earns the following:

Traditionally, the President is the highest-paid public employee. President Obama currently earns $400,000 per year, along with a $50,000 expense account, a $100,000 nontaxable travel account and $19,000 for entertainment.[7] The most recent raise in salary was approved by Congress and President Bill Clinton in 1999 and went into effect in 2001; prior to the change, the President earned $200,000, plus expense accounts.

Wait, what was that? Traditionally, the President is the highest-paid public employee.

Oh, that must just mean federal employee. Who gives a shit how much our state employees make?

The other day, Obama imposed a limit of $500,000 on CEO salaries.

And yet, our Mark Emmert makes a good 1.2 million dollars before his perks are even considered.

I understand that Mark Emmert is incredibly talented at what he does, blah blah blah, and I'm sure I could never take his job, blah blah blah.

But Mark Emmert says the UW is bracing to lay off 600 people at least, and those 600 people don't live rent-free in a 2005-remodeled mansion. They don't have a chef and a personal assistant and a driver. They also don't have 340K in change every year from sitting on a few executive boards.

If Mark Emmert cut 10% of his salary, he could pay for two equivalent full-time positions to my salary, probably including benefits. Granted, I'm way down there on the totem pole, but still. And I have rent to pay, and student loans, and I don't have a chef to cook my meals when I walk home from the bus stop in the rain.

I'm also not raising millions of dollars for the UW, but honestly, when was the last time you heard about Emmert doing that?

Let's not stop there. Provost Phyllis Wise makes at least $330,000 per year, and that's as of May, 2007 (you can see, if you look at Emmert's salary, that these numbers are definitely out of date).

I could keep going.

So, instead of laying off 600-800 people, people who have rent and mortgages and children in school and car payments and student loans and lives, instead of doing that, Mark Emmert, why don't you cut your own salary. And not 10%, either. Cut your salary so that it's below, at the very least, Barack Obama's. Even better, so that it's below Christine Gregoire's, who earned $151,000 in 2007.

And on top of that, let's have everyone else above that level take a pay cut, too.

If we did that, we could save those 600-800 jobs and maybe you would deserve to sleep at night.

A Tale of Genius

2009-02-04T17:51:00.000-08:00

Today, Salt and I drove to Fred Meyer with the intention of taking Morgan for a walk in the beautiful Seattle weather afterward.

Morgan was furious that she had to go into her carrying case (for the car) while we were in Fred Meyer, and she struggled and struggled as we tried to basically shove her into the case. She finally went in, and we shut the car door and when to the store.

When we finished at Fred Meyer, we got back to the car, got in, and drove away.

There was a rattling noise, and it sounded like a piece of gravel was caught in the back passenger-side wheel well.

Figuring it would go away, we kept driving. It got louder as I accelerated, and about three minutes later, a sound almost like a bang occurred.

We pulled over, and Salt got out to examine the side of the car.

It turns out that Morgan's leash (not connected to Morgan) had been caught in the car door, and we had never noticed. The loud sound was the leash snapping off.

Miraculously, our car was not scratched!

We drove to the pet store, bought a new leash identical to the old one, and went to Green Lake.

Photo

2009-01-31T19:12:00.000-08:00

I'm copying my mother and listing the 6th photo from my 6th folder of the photo album.

No explanation needed.

I'm Really Glad We Don't Live in the U-District Anymore

2009-01-29T20:44:00.000-08:00

http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/seattle911/archives/160699.asp

The Stranger

2009-01-28T22:30:00.000-08:00

The Stranger is an alternative newspaper in Seattle that comes out weekly. The other is Seattle Weekly, which I stopped reading about a year ago, after they published an article criticizing the non-profit newspaper Real Change.

Real Change is a local paper that is sold by homeless men and women around the city. It's supported by the likes of Sherman Alexie, among others, and routinely finds stories that aren't printed in any of the larger papers but that affect lower income or homeless people. It's stated mission is:

Real Change exists to create opportunity and a voice for low-income people while taking action to end homelessness and poverty.

Seattle Weekly took it upon themselves to criticize Real Change because one of their vendors (all of whom are licensed) wasn't actually homeless. He had become so good at selling papers, he could finally afford rent and had a roof over his head.
Anyway, I don't read Seattle Weekly anymore and don't really miss it. (I purchase a Real Change newspaper every week, however.)

So the whole point of this post is that The Stranger has good articles most of the time and really good articles a lot of the time. This week, there are two such articles that you should read.

The first reviews Obama's inaugural speech from a perspective no one else has written about.

The second talks about Aplets & Cotlets, which is a Washington candy that my mother introduced me to. I kind of like them, but Salt hates them.

Anyway, take a look at those articles.

Portland

2009-01-28T22:18:00.000-08:00

I'm headed to Portland, Oregon tomorrow for a 2-day conference at Portland State University. It would be nicer if Salt was coming with me, but Morgan Monster is still too young to be left alone.

On a side note, Morgan is getting spayed next week and will have to have all of her baby canine teeth extracted as they haven't fallen out yet. She also has a yeast infection in her ear. (!) Oh, the joys of cocker spaniel inbreeding.

Obama's Inaugural Speech

2009-01-26T21:23:00.000-08:00

Great WaPo Article About Obama & Warren

2008-12-23T13:27:00.000-08:00

Read it now: clickity

Holy Crap, we got a car!

2008-11-23T06:30:00.000-08:00

My First Year in Korea

2008-11-02T20:39:00.000-08:00

In 2003-04, I lived in Korea for the first of three years. I was placed with a host family in rural Chungbuk province, outside of the city of Cheongju.

I was initially pretty wary of living with them - partly due to my rather... unique experience with a host family in Germany - but I warmed to them, and I think they did to me. Neither of my host parents spoke English, and at the time I spoke very little Korean, so it rested on my host siblings to communicate with me. My host sister, Seran, was a high school student, and my host brother, Won-kyu, was one of my students at the middle school down the street.
My host parents had a great relationship, particularly in a society that was both hierarchical and sexist (something that became increasingly clear to me as time passed). My host mother was an elementary teacher, and my host father a distributor (I never learned the specifics).

My host father had a great sense of humor, and even though we could barely communicate, I always enjoyed seeing him, although he was rarely around. He went out of his way to make me feel comfortable. I remember coming home from school one day to find him home. (I was often the first person home as my siblings went to cram school in the afternoons and evenings and my host mother had to commute from her school, whereas I just had to walk down the street.)
My host father proudly told me that he had made kimbap all by himself (Korean men are often known to not be able to cook), and he urged me to try some. I, being the ever-suspicious vegetarian, skeptically asked if there was meat in the kimbap, and my host father shook his head and said, "No, no meat!"
I took a bite of the kimbap and said in my pidgin Korean, "There's ham in this!"
To which my host father replied, "Yes! No meat, just ham!"
During the second half of my year living with my host family, I went with them to a Buddhist temple to pray and bow (I think!) 108 times. (This is the bowing all the way to the ground, where you kneel and put your head to the ground and get back up again and repeat - 108 times!) Afterwards, my host father said, "Aren't your legs sore? My legs are always so sore after I do that!"
I saw my host father rarely enough that my memories of him are anecdotes similar to those above - he was always kind, always cheerful, and always trying to make me feel at home in spite of our mutual language barriers.

Anyway, I tend to be pretty bad at keeping in touch with people, and I haven't seen my host family (with the exception of my host sister Seran), since I moved to Seoul in 2005.
Thus, when I received an email from my host sister two days ago, I was thrilled to see her name in my inbox.
Except that the purpose of her email was to tell me that my host father died suddenly from a heart attack over the summer and her family has since moved from the country into the city to get away from all of the memories left in the home I shared with them for one year. My host father was in his early 40s and, despite being a smoker, in pretty good health.
It seems that these photos, plus a handful of anecdotes, are all I have to remember him by.

Morgan's First Bath

2008-10-26T13:52:00.000-07:00

Morgan had her first bath today, and needless to say, she hated it.

The Vet Who Did Not Vet

2008-10-25T19:17:00.000-07:00

Maverick John McCain

2008-10-23T16:43:00.000-07:00

In other news, Scott McClellan (remember, sniveling White House Press Secretary of the past) just endorsed Barack Obama.

Colin Powell Endorses Obama

2008-10-19T08:00:00.001-07:00

No Dog Today

2008-10-14T17:52:00.000-07:00

Today Infinity and I went to the animal shelter to see a cocker spaniel. I look at the online pet adoption listings at least once a week, and found a cute 6 year old tan cocker. But when we got to the shelter we found out that she had been adopted two days earlier. Sad!

Biden-Palin Debate

2008-10-06T11:37:00.000-07:00

Vote

2008-10-02T12:10:00.001-07:00

Love Poem

2008-10-02T10:06:00.000-07:00

Kurt Vonnegut

2008-07-15T21:55:00.001-07:00

I read Kurt Vonnegut's A Man Without a Country on the bus to and from work today. A few quotes:

p. 23-24

Here is a lesson in creative writing.

First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college.

And I realize some of you may be having trouble deciding whether I am kidding or not. So from now on I will tell you when I'm kidding.

For instance, join the National Guard or the Marines and teach democracy. I'm kidding.

We are about to be attacked by Al Qaeda. Wave flags if you have them. That always seems to scare them away. I'm kidding.

If you want to really hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.

p. 71-72

Many years ago I was so innocent I still considered it possible that we could become the humane and reasonable America so many members of my generation used to dream of. We dreamed of such an America during the Great Depression, when there were no jobs. And then we fought and often died for that dream during the Second World War, when there was no peace.

But I know now that there is not a chance in hell of America becoming humane and reasonable. Because power corrupts us, and absolute power corrupts us absolutely. Human beings are chimpanzees who get crazy drunk on power. By saying that our leaders are power-drunk chimpanzees, am I in danger of wrecking the morale of our soldiers fighting and dying in the Middle East? Their morale, like so many lifeless bodies, is already shot to pieces. They are being treated, as I never was, like toys a rich kid got for Christmas.

Potter Puppet Pals

2008-07-12T20:45:00.000-07:00

Why I'm (Not) Proud to Be an American

2008-07-06T22:15:00.000-07:00

I realized years ago - probably back in middle school - that I'm not proud to be an American, and as politically outspoken as I am about everything, I tried to stay somewhat quiet about the fact, as it seemed to be utter blasphemy whenever I mentioned it, regardless of the listener's political leanings.

So, somewhat belatedly for the 4th of July, let me try to clarify myself here.

I'm not proud to be an American.

But neither am I ashamed.

Being "American" is a state-of-being for me rather than a choice. I was born in the United States - I did not choose to come here; ancestors I have never met made that choice for me.

In saying that, however, I am not saying that I would not have chosen to come here had I been given the choice - I am simply stating that I did not have that choice to make.

Why then, or perhaps, how then, can one be proud (or ashamed) of something that one did not choose in the first place? I am not proud that tomorrow is Monday, but neither am I ashamed. I am not proud to be female, but neither am I ashamed. And contrary to the name of nearly every gay rights parade I have ever heard of, I am not proud to be gay, but neither am I ashamed.

For me, the logic extends to my nationality. I was born an American citizen, and I am currently still an American citizen. There are aspects of this country that I love and there are aspects that I abhor.

But having not made the choice to be American, I make no pretense of fealty towards it. I do not pledge allegiance to the flag (of this country or any other), and I do not place my hand over my heart during the national anthem (of this country or any other).

Had I immigrated to the United States and been naturalized as a citizen, I imagine that I would be very proud, indeed, to be an American. Naturalized citizens, however, made the choice to become American over something else, and, particularly with the struggle that many naturalized citizens and immigrants endure to become American, it is only understandable that some of the citizens most fiercely loyal to the United States are immigrants.

I have mentioned my lack of pride to my friends and family, and I remember my mother replying (in a manner that clearly demonstrated her exasperation with me) that I was lucky to be American and had many things and opportunities that millions (indeed, billions) of people around the world did not have.

This is true, and like I said, I'm not ashamed to be an American. And pride and shame have nothing to do with like and dislike. It's certainly possible to be proud of actions taken by Americans, just as it's possible to be ashamed of actions taken by Americans. The generalization of the idea of "America" and "American," however, is problematic. Why on earth would anyone be proud to be "American?" Likewise, why would anyone on earth universally condemn "American"-ness? These are two sides of the same coin. The diehard American patriot who unflinchingly loves his/her country and burns Dixie Chicks CDs when they criticize the US president, the angry mob that attacks an American tourist because of something that tourist's government did - both are irrational responses to irrational emotions of pride vs. shame.

Has the United States government/military/people done amazing things in the past? Of course. Have they also done reprehensible things? Of course. It's natural to be proud of or ashamed of those things.

But, to me, at least, it's strange to feel such pride in a state-of-being, just as it would be strange for me to walk around pompously because of the color of my eyes.

If one wants to like or admire the "idea" of America, that might be the closest thing to being "proud to be an American" that still makes sense, but walking around half-cocked claiming that the United States is the greatest country on Earth is just as silly as arguing that people who are 5'10" or taller are better than everyone else. (And for those of you who do, it just makes it easier for you to reach the top shelf.)

91 Degrees and Indigo Girls

2008-06-29T21:47:00.000-07:00

It was 91 degrees today, 2 degrees short of a record, and it was hot. I can't really say much as my mother is sweltering in non-air-conditioned Texas heat and humidity, but we aren't used to that sort of thing here. The air-conditioned bus was a nice reprieve.

Today was the Pride Parade in Seattle, but we didn't go. Instead, we went to the Ballard Farmer's Market and cleaned. This evening, we went to see the Indigo Girls at ZooTunes. I saw them for the first time in Berlin in 2002 in a crowded, small concert hall. Today, I saw them for the second time in an open field with many more people, and 91 degree heat, in the sun.

I'm definitely sunburned, and we were all dripping sweat for a while, before the sun went down behind the trees, at which point it started to feel nice.

The highlight of the evening (while I did enjoy the concert) was a small toddler in front of us who danced to some of the songs - only her dancing consisted of hopping in time to the music. It was adorable and distracted us from the heat for a while.

Tomorrow it's back to work. Last week I had to go to work early for a seminar, and I enjoyed getting to campus so early when no one was there, so I'm thinking of trying to do that again this week. This entails getting up by 5:30, so we'll see how that works out.

89 Degrees in Seattle

2008-06-28T16:32:00.000-07:00

We've been inside all day cleaning, and our place gets a really good breeze when you have all the windows open (we have North and South facing windows), so it hasn't felt too hot, but I imagine it would if we were outside too long. I'm a little sunburned as it is just from walking to and from the bus stop all week. I've begun working full-time, so I'm not spending as much time outside as I'd like.

I won't say "I told you so," but I could...

2008-06-10T11:28:00.000-07:00

I was right.

Lee Myung-bak sucks.

Young Hillary Clinton

2008-05-30T12:03:00.000-07:00

Via AmericaBlog.

Books!

2008-05-19T18:02:00.000-07:00

I stole this from my mother's blog.

It’s a list of the 106 most unread books on shelves. The rules are to bold the ones you’ve read, underline the ones you read for school, italicize the ones you started but didn’t finish.

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi : a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
The [A] Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel
War and Peace
Vanity
The Time Traveler’s Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway

Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked : the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales

The Historian : a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault’s Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible
1984
Angels & Demons
Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver’s Travels
Les Misérables

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela’s Ashes : a memoir
The God of Small Things
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Beloved
Slaughterhouse-Five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake
Collapse : how societies choose to fail or succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita

Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics : a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an inquiry into values
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity’s Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield

SNL on Hillary Clinton

2008-05-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

Via AmericaBlog. This clip will probably be pulled soon, but until then, it's hilarious.

They've since removed the youtube video, but the nbc.com video is below

Unconscious Racial Bias and Profiling

2008-05-09T21:31:00.000-07:00

There's a great article by Robert Jamieson in the Seattle PI today.

I was pleased to hear this week's news: The two Middle Eastern-looking men sought for questioning after taking photos on a state ferry last summer weren't terrorists.

Oops! Turns out they are business consultants -- from Europe.

Their appearance caused the FBI to seek public help in ratting them out -- a global manhunt, I said at the time, akin to the Salem witch-hunts.

Jamieson is referring to something I wrote about last year on this blog, as well (for all two of my readers!).

Read the rest of Jamieson's excellent column here.

The Uneven Media

2008-05-03T10:42:00.000-07:00

I was reading the German news magazine Der Spiegel online this morning and noticed two interesting stories that have not been reported in the US main stream media.

1. US-Rakete schlaegt in Krankenhaus ein
("US Rockets hit Hospital")
The article talks about a rocket attack that hit a hospital in the Shi'ite quarter of Baghdad. No word of it that I've seen in the media.

2. John McCain und die Frage aller Fragen
("John McCain and the Question of all Questions")
The intro to this article is:

Ist der Republikaner McCain ein richtiger Amerikaner? Darüber streiten die Gelehrten, wurde der Politiker doch in der Panamakanalzone geboren.

"Is Republican John McCain a real American? That's what scholars are arguing about, as [McCain] was actually born in the Panama Canal Zone."

Maybe the latter story has been covered in the news before, but the former story would not have been since it just happened, and I find it interesting (and by interesting I mean ridiculous) that the former story was deemed inappropriate or unnecessary or too depressing or too whatever to not hit mainstream news media.

And anyone who still believes there's such a thing as the liberal media has been dreaming for years by now. Unless giving McCain and mistakes made by the US military resulting in even more civilian casualties a free ride can be considered "liberal."

Seattle

2008-04-30T21:41:00.000-07:00

The Stranger, a local weekly newspaper in Seattle, has an article this week called, "What I can Tell You About Seattle Based on the People I've Met From There (I've Only Been There Once" by Tao Lin.

The article is broken up into a number of sections, each with their own subtitle. An excerpt is below:

SEATTLE IS ACTUALLY "BETTER" THAN ANYWHERE ELSE IN AMERICA

For some reason I never heard Shya—or anyone else I know from Seattle—say anything like "In Seattle I would never be attacked on public transportation" or "If we were in Seattle right now we would not be playing two-person poker on a Saturday night drunk." People from Alabama or Florida or anywhere else seem to always be talking about how Alabama and Florida are a lot better than wherever they currently are, I think because they are trying to convince themselves that they were not "cheated" out of something by growing up in Biflow, Florida. It isn't sarcastic at all when someone from Alabama says they wish they were back in Alabama. But people from Seattle when elsewhere somehow do not ever try to convince themselves of anything, I think because they feel like if they say something like "In Seattle my chicken fingers would never be served raw by accident" it would be like saying "A poodle is a kind of dog" in that it's "an accepted fact" to people from Seattle that Seattle is "better" in the same way that it is "an accepted fact" that poodles are dogs. Someone would never try to say that a poodle is a kind of cat.

Read the rest here.

May Day in Berlin

2008-04-30T17:02:00.000-07:00

Welcome to May.

May 1 is a Labor Day in a number of countries around the world. The US Labor Day has been on the first Monday in September since 1887 in an effort to "disassociate it with the radical Left."

There are a number of other holidays on May Day as well, but May Day in Berlin is the most interesting to me. (May Day, or 1.Mai, is also known as Walpurgisnacht in Germany.)

Wikipedia has this to say about May Day in Berlin:

Since 1987 it has also become known for heavy riots in some districts of Berlin. After police action against the radical leftist block in that year's annual demonstrations, the Autonome scattered and sought cover at the ongoing annual street fair in Kreuzberg (three years prior to the reunification, violent protests would only take place in the former West Berlin). The former protesters began tipping over police cars, violently resisting arrest, and began building barricades after the police withdrew due to the unforeseen resistance. Cars were set on fire, shops plundered and burned to the ground. The police was eventually able to end the riots the following night. These violent forms of protests by the radical left, including the punk rock scene, later increasingly involved participants without political motivation.

Since then, violence has evidently been declining in Berlin on May Day, but when I was there in 2002, it was still pretty bad. We were told to avoid Kreuzberg, which could explode in violence, so of course everyone went there. During the day, the protests were peaceful, and we had left by the time evening fell, when the violence really started.

Instead, we went to Mauerpark (lit. Wall Park (for the Berlin Wall)) in Prenzlauer Berg. As the night went on, the part was eventually surrounded by police. We left before it got violent.

The Berlin police force has been unleashing nonviolence campaigns every year for May Day for the past few years. The year I was there, they printed up postcards that said "Happy on the First of May" in German and were distributed in the postcard racks that are near all the restrooms in bars and clubs around Berlin (advertisers make quirky or witty postcards and distribute them for free in bars and clubs in Berlin). The main target of protests on May 1st in Berlin are the police. (The graffiti on the photo earlier in the post said the equivalent of, "Cars burn, pigs die." (In German, the pejorative for "cop" is not "pig," but "bull."))

Nowadays, the city of Berlin has been avoiding violence by having street fairs and festivals, diverting the 1.Mai "energy," so to speak, to positive activities.

Moving to Ballard

2008-04-28T22:14:00.000-07:00

We're moving to Ballard!

An Open Letter to the CIA

2008-04-24T12:14:00.000-07:00

Dear CIA,

You've been spying on people for so long, tapping their phone lines and reading their email illegally, you must be tired. I know I would be! I mean, who really wants to read about the four signs of a stroke or how Muslims are taking over Europe on a daily basis? And really, we all think those email forward questionnaires are clever, but they're just repetitive, aren't they? And man, those attempts to be "original" on Facebook? They just make you roll your eyes, huh?

Well, this letter is for you. Let's give you some of that attention you deserve. You've been neglected for too long. Rather than spying on my life, let's talk about yours.

Just today, the BBC mentioned you. Aww, how sweet. It looks like some of those photos you took on vacation in Syria last year got published. Congratulations!

But, what's this? Oh my, it looks like you got the caption wrong. North Koreans working in Syrian nuclear reactors? My goodness!

Well, CIA, I think we need to sit down and have a talk about the difference between real and make-believe. I know you've been having lots of fun with your friend, Make-Up-Evidence-About-Other-Countries-For-Ulterior-Purposes, for a long time now, but sweetie, he's just pretend. Remember your other imaginary friend, Weapons-of-Mass-Destruction-in-Iraq? You thought he was your best friend forever, too, but he just led you on, making you think he was real.

Don't be sad, I know just how you feel. I used to have an imaginary friend myself. His name was The-United-States-Government-Has-The-World's-Best-Interests-At-Heart, and man, did we have fun! He used to get me into all sorts of trouble! He made me want to join the Air Force, the Foreign Service - even the FBI! Gosh, those were the days. But, just like you, I had to learn that my friend was imaginary. It was really difficult, and I was sad for a while, but I eventually got over it. I've grown up a lot, and I've learned a lot. I think you will, too.

Now, don't cry. There are plenty of real friends you can play with. How about Multi-Lateral-Diplomacy down the street or Torture-and-Undefined-Lengths-of-Imprisonment-is-Wrong the next block over? I know they've both been wanting to come play for a while. Oh, and a new family just moved in across the street, and they have a girl your age, too! Her name is Restore-Habeas-Corpus, and she is the cutest thing! I'm sure we can find you some new playmates in no time.

This was nice. Let's talk again soon. Don't fret too much, but stay away from Bomb-Bomb-Bomb-Iran and his gang of hoodlums. They're a bunch of good-for-nothings, especially that John McCain who pretends he knows what he's talking about and really has no clue. I think he's getting to old to play these games! Take care!

Love,
Infinity^2

Your Children Are in Danger

2008-04-22T20:23:00.000-07:00

Click here for more videos.

Hillary Clinton Can Win

2008-04-22T19:36:00.000-07:00

Obama Responds to Criticism

2008-04-14T19:32:00.000-07:00